


Dates, Lies and a Trip to Rome

by misura



Category: Iron Man (2008)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Matchmaking, Multi, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-25
Updated: 2011-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-24 23:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/268960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tony thinks it would be a great idea to get Pepper and Rhodey to date. Except for the part where he thinks it's actually a terrible idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dates, Lies and a Trip to Rome

**Author's Note:**

> The plan was to write happy!threesome!fic. Unfortunately, a Certain Someone just wouldn't get a clue already and so this is more like a story about Why You Should Only Ever Matchmake Your Two Best Friends When You're Absolutely Sure You Don't Want To Date Them Yourself. Or something like that.

Halfway in between wherever and someplace else (give or take a couple of hundred miles), Tony gets what he can only think of as an epiphany. It's brilliant - as these things usually are, at least when Tony's the one having them - and also kind of so completely obvious that he feels sort of dumb for never having thought of it before.

So, naturally, he calls Rhodey. Who isn't, okay, _definitely_ isn't dumb, except when compared to Tony and hey, guess who happens to be in need of not-feeling-dumb right now?

"Hey," Tony says. "I need you to do something for me."

Possibly, he's just woken Rhodey from a no doubt well-deserved rest. "Tony, is that you? Could you repeat that? I think you're driving with the top down again or something." Or possibly not.

"Or something. Funny."

Rhodey chuckles. "What do you need?"

Put like that, it sounds a lot like asking for a favor, like Tony will _owe_ Rhodey for this. Too late to change the phrasing now, though. "Date Pepper."

Silence. Maybe Rhodey's fallen back asleep or something. Might be for the better, really. The more Tony thinks about it, the more he's beginning to think that maybe it wasn't really an epiphany. Maybe it was more one of those ideas that seem smart when you're breaking the sound barrier but that, on second thought, and moving at a more normal speed (say, one-sixty miles an hour) really aren't.

"Rhodey?"

Apparently, Tony still hasn't developed a cool superpower that lets him wish people asleep. "Yeah, I'm still here. Sorry, I think I didn't hear you correctly." Of course, if he could pick and choose a superpower, that probably wouldn't have been it, anyway, so just as well.

"That's right," Tony says. "You didn't."

"Okay." Rhodey sounds like Tony's just spent half an hour trying to convince him of the inherent superiority of a vodka martini over a beer. He also sounds like someone who's saying 'yes' and thinking 'no'. "Was that it?"

"That was it. See you next week." Tony hangs up before Rhodey can protest that they were supposed to be meeting tomorrow, instead of next week.

So. Not his finest moment, probably, but no harm done, all in all.

 

His mistake, clearly.

"You're angry with me." Pepper's perfectly professional, of course; she's _Pepper Potts_ , after all. Still, Tony prides himself on being able to read, well, might be best to stick with 'women', and Pepper is, among many, many other things, also a woman. "Would it help if I said I had no idea who she was?"

Wrong line, or, actually, wrong audience. "Will that be all, Mr. Stark?"

"No, that will not be all, because I would very much like to know what I did to make you feel angry with me. This time," Tony adds, because fair's fair. "Was it Iraq? I thought we talked about Iraq. Dubai?"

"Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes." Pepper's voice could cut diamond, or possibly even palladium.

"I think you're missing a verb and some other words in that sentence," Tony says, because angry women always respond well to humor in his experience. (Well, some of them do. A few. If they're drunk.)

Pepper frowns, but not in a thoughtful way. "Appears to think we're in a relationship."

"That would be 'we' as in - " Tony starts, before he remembers that he's supposed to be a genius and cleverly changes it to: "How is that _my_ fault?"

"Because you _told_ him." Pepper sounds exasperated.

Tony mentally goes over every word he said to Rhodey the last time they met. "I don't think so." Okay, that should definitely have come out a bit quicker and more forceful. "Can we talk about this later?"

"Of course, Mr. Stark." If they _had_ been in a relationship, that would be the doghouse looming right there. And then people ask Tony why he doesn't want to just 'settle down'.

 

"Well, you said - " Rhodey says, when Tony asks him in a very reasonable voice where on Earth Pepper might have gotten the idea that Rhodey's gotten the idea that she and Tony are being unprofessional together. There is absolutely no yelling of any kind. Why would Tony mind the hassle of dealing with this kind of thing when there's only about a hundred or so more important things he could be doing?

"I said you should date her."

Rhodey nods eagerly. "Yeah, and then you told me to forget about it. So, I figured that, you know, the two of you were going through a rough spot or something."

Tony patiently waits for that sentence to start making any kind of sense. It doesn't happen.

"Hey, man, I'm sorry, okay?"

"Not okay," Tony says. "I need - " A distraction. Something to make Pepper happy without requiring Tony to read or sign stuff, or do without things he really likes. "I need you to take her out to dinner."

"As in a date?" Rhodey doesn't look nearly as pleased as he should. Pepper is - well, she's _Pepper_. Smart. Sexy. Great sense of humor. Very loyal to Tony, if a bit too dilligent. A lot like Rhodey himself, really, except female. "Look, Tony - "

"Yes, okay, as in a date." They'd look good together. Well, they'd look all right. "But no kissing, and _definitely_ no inviting her for coffee after."

 

Note to self: do not use personal AI when keeping an eye on a pair of good friends (for their own protection, clearly).

"I can see why spying on Miss Potts and her date would be much more important than your other work, sir. I simply fail to understand why you can't join them at their table. That might make it much easier for you to hear what they are saying."

One of these days, Jarvis is going to get a thing for - well, some other AI Tony's got lying around, and then there's going to be gloating. "I'm not spying on them, Jarvis."

"Of course not, sir. How silly of me to think that. You simply wish to observe them without being seen."

Tony refuses to rise to the bait. "I do wonder what they're talking about."

Jarvis keeps quiet. Typical.

"She's smiling," Tony says. "Too much, you think? Maybe she's drunk. She's had - what? Two glasses? That's not a lot, but she probably isn't used to it. She could be drunk. I should offer her a ride home."

 

Rhodey looks somewhere in between annoyed and relieved when Tony shows up to perform a 'fancy meeting you two here, no, really, what are the odds?' spiel that leaves him feeling in need of several drinks and at least one woman.

Unfortunately, instead, he's volunteered himself to drive Pepper home.

"Did you have a good time?" Tony asks, feeling like someone's best friend. It's not that Tony doesn't have any friends - Tony's got lots of friends. It's just ... something else.

"Yes, Tony," Pepper says, and that's progress, right there, her using his first name. He wonders if she's been calling Rhodey 'James' this evening. "In fact, I had a very good time."

She's smiling. Tony considers driving the car into a tree. He could easily afford a new one, except that he's customized this one and it would be kind of a bother to do it all over again with a new car.

"That's actually more than I wanted to know, thanks."

Pepper sighs as if she's the one whose temper is being tried here.

"So what did the two of you talk about?" Tony asks mostly because he thinks he knows the answer, and because right now, it would be nice to hear it.

"Oh, all kinds of things," Pepper says airily. "Food, politics, history, the weather - you know, the usual."

Tony considers not playing the self-pity card. "Actually, I _don't_ know."

"He's nice," Pepper says, ruthlessly ignoring Tony's cry for comfort, or possibly too caught up in her own happiness to notice Tony's lack thereof. "I like him. Thanks for suggesting this, Tony."

Never a tree around when you've decided that, two weeks of customizing or not, you need one.

 

Having Rhodey and Pepper constantly _not_ act like they're a couple gets under Tony's skin in the worst way. He _knows_ , all right - he set them up himself, for crying out loud.

Also, it seems he's gotten Pepper a two-week trip to Rome for two persons on the occasion of her birthday two months, one week and six days ago.

"Who was it again who said I couldn't last a week without you?" Tony doesn't hold grudges, as such, but he does have an excellent memory for things that actually matter.

Rhodey looks like he wishes he were somewhere else, which would make two of them - except that Tony's not quite sure whether he'd want to join Rhodey in some Pepper-less location, or stay here with Pepper. "That would be you, Mr. Stark."

Pepper smiles. Rhodey chuckles like someone who wants to appear more relaxed than he is. "You're kidding me, right?"

Tony imitates Peppper's arched eyebrow. Hers is more elegant, but Tony's comes with that special kind of Tony charm. "I mean," Rhodey continues, "a week? Come on."

"About those plans we had for tomorrow," Tony starts.

"Sure, he might skip a few meals, but it's not like he's going to die of starvation or anything," Rhodey says, and it belatedly occurs to Tony that he is, in fact, being supported in his claim of independence.

Rhodey's a good man, after all. "Yeah, Pepper. What he said."

Pepper's expression is doubtful. "Are you sure about this, Tony?"

"Absolutely," Tony says, feeling rather proud and pleased with himself. "Don't go."

 

"To Rome," Tony tells Moron Number I-Lost-Count. "R-O-M-E. It's in Italy." You'd think it wouldn't be this hard to book a flight over the phone. Pepper does it all the time.

Jarvis, as usual, is not helping Tony's mood in any way. "Sir, may I suggest using your private plane instead?"

"No, you may not." Tony's considered it, of course he's considered it, but taking his private plane to go to Rome would be, well, using his private plane to go to Rome. Where Pepper and Rhodey are, busy talking about things other than Tony. It's a matter of pride.

If Tony's going to show up in Rome, it's damn well going to be because he got there all by himself.

 

Well, he did build the suit. All by himself.

 

"This is a nice place."

Tony's explained about sixteen times that no, he does not have a passport with him - by which he means, of course, that _Pepper's_ explained this about twenty-three times to what looks like an entire herd of officials (no, seriously, it's bizarre - like, who do they _think_ is going to come crash-landing into their city wearing the suit? Tony shouldn't even need a passport; he's too famous for people not to recognize him and God, don't these people have any actual criminals to bother?)

Only three people have tried to take his picture so far, and only one them actually spoke English (if not very well) and none of them were good-looking women, so Tony feels he's entitled to feel neglected.

To whit: he feels entitled to have Pepper and Rhodey take him out to dinner, even if, really, they all know Tony's going to pay for it, so actually it's more like he's taking _them_ out to dinner.

"It is, isn't it?" Pepper's wearing something casual and kind of sexy in a completely-not-sexy kind of way.

Rhodey toys with his food. It's a pizza. Tony thinks he should comment on that. "Not like they make them in New York, huh?"

"Yeah," Rhodey says, witty and sparkling conversationalist that he is. (Oh, wait, that's _Tony_.)

Pepper looks sympathetic - probably at Rhodey being tongue-tied when re-exposed to Tony after a whole two days without him, but possibly at Tony for needing to keep this convesation going all by himself. "Tony, what are you _doing_ here?"

"Waiting for my pasta?" Tony'd have prefered a pizza, but unlike Rhodey, he knows where the world's greatest pizzas are made, and it's not Italy. "What, I can't take a trip somewhere without telling you first?"

The real answer to that question, Tony suspects, is 'no'.

Pepper mercifully doesn't tell him that out loud.

 

So. Rome is nice, the weather is nice, the company is more or less nice, and Pepper and Rhodey are sleeping in separate rooms at the hotel. Tony feels that maybe this trip wasn't so bad, after all.

Italy's still not America, but it's okay for a few days.

On the night before their flight back home, Tony takes Rhodey to a bar and gets him drunk, just to show that he can. If he also uses the opportunity to ask a few pointed questions, well, that's between him and Rhodey, isn't it?

(Given that Rhodey's got a lousy memory when it comes to these things, probably not - it's just between Tony and Tony, but eh. Details.)

 

"You're lonely," Pepper says. She and Rhodey haven't seen one another for two days, ten hours, five hours and twenty-three minutes, give or take a few seconds.

Tony's not yet sure about the whole 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' thing, so he figures he'll let it go for now. "I am not lonely. Alone, yes; lonely, no. There's a difference."

"I'm serious, Tony." Apparently, most of the time, Pepper's just telling him things for laughs. Something to keep in mind next time she insists he attends some meeting or another. "When's the last time you had a woman over?"

Tony doesn't bother doing the maths. "I thought you didn't like it when I have a woman over."

"Why would I not like it when you have a woman over?"

"And anyway, you're a woman, and I'm having you over right now, so there you go."

Pepper frowns at him. "You know what I mean."

"Honestly, I haven't got a clue. About this, I mean. About everything else, obviously, I have lots of clues." Modesty, Tony feels, is what you use when you don't want to admit to ignorance. "So, everything all right with you and Rhodey? Any plans I should know about?"

"I think a spring wedding would be nice."

Tony absolutely doesn't drop a wrench on his foot. It hurts like a bitch. "Really?"

Pepper dimples at him. Tony hates his life.

 

"I am _not_ going to stand up in the middle of a wedding ceremony and say that I object, all right?" Tony says. "That's just wrong."

"Not planning on attending the event, were you, sir?"

Tony _really_ hates his life.

 

On the other hand, maybe he's overreacting.

"You're not really going to marry Pepper, are you?" he asks Rhodey, over the phone, because Tony really likes Rhodey, and having this conversation in private might be a bit hazardous to his (that is to say: Rhodey's) health.

"Maybe I am?" Rhodey tries, which is so totally lame it leaves Tony speechless for a whole five seconds. (It might be relief, on second thought, but ... naw.)

"Oh, thank God." Tony means to just think it, not say it out loud.

Rhodey doesn't call him on it. "Are you?"

"Am I what?" Tony asks.

"Marrying Pepper."

 _Not_ having this conversation in private might be a bit hazardous to Tony's health. "No." Luckily, there's not a lot of birds around - or anything else. It's just Tony and the sky.

"Okay." Rhodey sounds like he wants to say more.

Tony thinks it's time for some evasive maneuvring. " _We_ could get married, though. New York wedding, just you, me and a couple hundred guests - keeping it small and intimate. What do you say, honey bear?"

"I say I think you need to get your shit together, because one of these days, it's not going to be me and Pepper and you - one of these days, there's going to be someone else, and then what are you going to do?" Tony wonders if Pepper's been teaching Rhodey tricks. She knows a few good ones, but Tony always rather took it for granted she'd never share them with anyone else.

"Buy them off, or, if that doesn't work, shoot them." It's not as if Tony's spent a lot of time thinking about this. Just enough to come up with a viable strategy. "You do like her, right?"

"Tony, I'm not blind, okay?"

Hypocrisy is a perfectly respectable _American_ vice. "So, what, this is just about looks for you?"

"I need to go," Rhodey says. "Love you. Bye."

 

"Do you think I could be Rhodey's fake girlfriend?" Tony asks, partially rhetorically, and partially because he feels Pepper should know he's just been propositioned by her not-fiance.

"Tony, you wouldn't even know how to be someone's _real_ girlfriend," Pepper says. She sounds fond. A little bit fond. Of him, not Rhodey.

"Because I'm not a girl," Tony says - quite cleverly, if he does say so himself.

Pepper rewards him with a smile, no dimples. "Boyfriend, then."

"I could be someone's boyfriend. Would you like me to be your boyfriend?"

Still no dimples. "No."

"Would you like me to be Rhodey's boyfriend?"

"That's really none of my business, Mr. Stark."

Tony recognizes a warning when he hears one. "It'd be good for him, don't you think? Shake up the system a bit - I mean, I'm me. What are they going to do - stop buying from Stark Industries?"

 

There's a new place in New York - new, a little pretentious, supposed to have decent food. Perfect for being seen on a date.

"What are you doing here?" Tony asks, feeling like he's using someone else's lines. He's Tony Stark; things like this don't happen to him, unless someone wants to invite themselves to the after-date.

Given that it's Pepper, that doesn't seem very likely. "Tony. Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes."

"I asked her, all right?" Rhodey says.

"You - why?" Tony wonders what the papers will make of this. "Did you miss the part where this was a date? I think I had Pepper put that in the invitation."

"She did," Rhodey says, apparently mistaking Tony's comment as a slur on Pepper's professionalism. "And then I asked her to be here, too, because you're beginning to freak me out and I want you to stop doing that, all right?"

"I- what?" Tony's not sure if Rhodey's adding insult to injury, or if it's the other way around. "How am I freaking you out? It's a date - I'm buying you dinner."

"And room-service, after?" Pepper asks.

Tony's first impulse is to say no, of course not, he's got a mansion right around the corner (well, within driving distance, at least) so why would he go to a hotel where you need to call room service to get a halfway decent breakfast in bed? "You can say 'sex', Pep."

Rhodey chokes on his coffee. It wasn't very good coffee, so Tony feels it's not so bad.

"Do I consider sex to be a part of a normal date?" Tony asks rhetorically. "Yes, absolutely - in fact, it's my favorite part. But. Do I think two people can't go on a date without there being sex?"

"No, you don't," Rhodey says. "Not when you're one of those two people."

"You're here," Tony points out. "On a date. With me. So what does that say about you?"

"I think you know damn well what that says about me."

Not very good coffee at all. "What about Pepper? You asked her to - oh." It's a bad idea. It's a really bad idea; almost as bad as sending Rhodey and Pepper on a date and then coming up with ways to sabotage their relationship because Tony doesn't want them to connect with each other more than they connect with _him_. "Okay."

"Okay?" Rhodey sounds incredulous. Like it shouldn't be so easy.

Pepper looks like she knows exactly how not easy it has been and, Tony supposes, if he's honest with himself, how not easy it will be. And then she says: "Yes." and Tony figures that what the hell, he can worry about that tomorrow, late afternoon.


End file.
